


Stupefaction

by JackyM



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, cecilos - Freeform, not really but??? just to be safe, this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-21 13:31:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7388947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone, even scientists, gets upset sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupefaction

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in like, three weeks so here's a thing from my Tumblr. ;v;

Carlos’ head hurt and his stomach was twisted in knots he didn’t know stomachs could twist in. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Stomachs could not actually tie themselves in knots, a fact that would remain true, no matter the circumstance. That was one thing that was constant and could never be made into something terrifying. But even with the familiar comfort of science, he still didn’t feel the way he should have. 

He’d been up since about three in the morning, in weird time, which meant a little earlier but also later than three in the morning. Nothing really contributed to this, he just woke up. No bad dreams, no rough evenings beforehand. He just woke up, stricken with terror and finding breathing difficult. Hid head was swimming and his whole body felt like it couldn’t keep itself together, as though the stress of everything that was happening robbed him of the simplistic ability to be physically whole.

The faint sound of a bloodcurdling scream wasn’t audible just yet, so Carlos knew, even buried under blankets and with his head under a pillow, knew that the sun wasn’t even up yet. That at least was good, he decided. It’d give him time to sit in bed and think for a few hours before he had to get up and move, and do things, and be a human being, living and breathing and existing in a way that was much more strenuous than it usually was. 

Carlos had tried everything. He tried to get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, and even try having a small chat with the sink monster and the Faceless Old Woman, who just told him to eat a sponge and try sleeping. When Carlos checked to see if there were any sponges under the sink, he saw they were all missing and replaced with ripped out comics from the newspaper. The Faceless Old Woman didn’t get back to Carlos on why that was. 

After all that, he still had a headache, still had a stomach that felt like it was having convulsions, and still had ringing in his head signaling that there was something wrong, over and over, with no end in sight. Too many times Carlos felt tears coming only to be filled with dread and a form of anger focused on himself, and the actions he’d taken in the past, and how all of them could’ve been better. It made him upset, and not simply in the way that made him sad. More so in the way that made him want to enact something on himself, something horrible, something he thought he deserved. It’d been a while since he’d felt this badly, and that itself was upsetting. All he could do now was lie in bed trying to focus on his breathing, trying to focus desperately on anything he could that wasn’t how he felt.  He didn’t know how well we was doing, but with every breath he felt more and more like he was failing at it. He wanted to wake Cecil up and let him know how he felt, but Cecil had so much trouble sleeping. A week earlier Cecil had been waking up with panic attacks or bad dreams, and it took him hours to fall back asleep after waking up. Carlos was usually a sound sleeper, so he wasn’t even aware of this until Cecil had told him. A few times, Carlos had stayed up with Cecil to avoid late-night episodes until he finally fell asleep. Carlos knew how hard it was for Cecil to sleep, and he really didn’t want to wake him up. This was probably the first good night he’d had in a while, and Carlos knew with every cell of his being that Cecil deserved it. 

Carlos was curled up next to Cecil, and stretched out his arms so he could feel Cecil right there, right next to him. Carlos gently hugged and nuzzled his boyfriend. He might’ve been asleep, but this helped nonetheless. Cecil was mumbling something in his sleep, something about eating wisdom teeth instead of vitamin B supplements. Carlos was trying not to hug Cecil too much, in the event that he woke him up, but Carlos still snuggled a little closer and hugged his boyfriend a little tighter. He rested his cheek on Cecil’s shoulder, and felt his breathing, going in and out. He felt the familiar sound of his boyfriend’s voice, deep and rumbly and familiar. On some occasions it brought a flustered bush to Carlos’ face and and made him smile and feel a kind of passion exclusive to his boyfriend. But on other occasions is was nothing more than a source of comfort; something that helped Carlos feel safe, loved, and _home_. 

Finally, Carlos felt tears. Hot tears. Either from sadness or terror or anger, or a mixtures of all of those emotions and ones that he could not begin to place. He knew his tears would doubtless dampen Cecil’s nightgown, but that was the last thing on his mind. Carlos felt himself let go, tears becoming those of weeps and then those of sobs. He was crying into Cecil’s shoulder, now hugging him tightly, despite his earlier promise to himself. And Cecil was fast asleep, snoring, completely oblivious, but still there, still helping. That was he thing about love, Carlos realized. The support was always there, even if it was not conscious. 

A moment later, Carlos felt Cecil stirring. All Cecil felt was a damp spot on his shoulder and a very warm and friendly presence on top of him. Cecil sleepily turned his head around and smiled at Carlos, barely able to see him in the faint light of dawn.

“Mmmmmmmmhello,” was all he said, as he nuzzled Carlos’ nose with his own.

“Hi. I love you,” said Carlos, wrapping his arms around Cecil. He tried not to look upset, but he knew that might not really be possible. His voice was cracking and his eyes were red and wet and he was shaking. 

“Carlos?”

“Cecil?”

“Are you okay?”

“Mmm. No. I don’t think I am. But it’s okay, it’s really okay.”

“No, no, Carlos, please,” here Cecil actually crawled into some species of being awake, “if you’re upset I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me. It’s okay.”

“I’ll just wake you up, after you’ve been asleep, and–”

“It’s okay, honey. You’ve helped me when I can’t sleep. A lot. It’s only fair I should help you the same way, right?”

“It’s nothing, though, just…”

“Just what?”

“Just…y’know. The usual thing. I still feel like it was all my fault and I left him and I’m a bad person for doing that, and he’s coming back for me because he’s mad at me, and I’ll deserve anything bad that happens, Cecil! I’m scared! I just woke up because I was scared, I think. I know it is not for a reason that makes sense, but so many things don’t make sense. The scariest things don’t make sense. It’s why scientists find things out. If they didn’t then we would have so much to fear. But this is not something experimentation and observation can explain, it’s something ridiculous and s-stupid and that’s making it even scarier.”

The speed at which Cecil pulled Carlos into his arms surprised Carlos a bit, given how long it usually took Cecil to move past the pace of a sloth in the wee hours.

“Carlos, it’s not, I promise, it isn’t. You’re right about fear, and how fear doesn’t always make sense and how things that don’t make sense are almost always wha makes fear so huge and terrifying. But there is something I’m surprised a scientist as intrepid as you hasn’t figured out about all of this.”

“W-what is that?”

“That there are facts you can analyze that explain why none of what you’re afraid of will happen. Facts like, the hooded figures promised to keep him out, there’s very strong security around the dog park, and everyone around here will help keep you safe form any harm that would come to you, because they love you, as much as I do, in a different but equally important way. Dana loves you, so I think that pretty much guarantees you safety from all of the horrors in the world that aren’t non-corporeal and unstoppable and impossible to avoid in your life. And I know for a fact this guy isn’t like that because if he even got close to you, I’d run towards him like a professional jouster and keep him away from good. Or, um, maybe ‘d just get my brother and law to help me get him away. I jousted a bit in high school was was politely asked to leave the team. But, Carlos, my point is that you’re allowed to be afraid of things, because that’s everyone’s natural state, even scientists. But no matter how much the normal fears of the world are out there, there’s a lot of people who want to help keep you safe from them as much as they can. The natural chaos and panic and terror of the universe is a lot easier to deal with that way.”

“Thank you,” said Carlos, tearing up even more and clinging to Cecil, “thank you so much. I love you.”

“You’ll be okay, huggy bear. Always.”

A few moments went by, with Carlos hugging Cecil tightly and Cecil gently running his hands through Carlos’ hair, his nose in Carlos’ hair and gently humming. Carlos felt calmer now. Much, much calmer.

“Thank you again,” he said, sniffling, “thank you so much. I think…I think I’m ready to try sleeping again. I love you so much, kitty.”

“And I love you too, bunny. I’d say goodnight, your name, and then goodnight again, but the sun’s screaming so I don’t think the effect will be there.”

“You can do the thing. I like hearing it.”

“Goodnight, Carlos. Goodnight.”


End file.
